Tini ˈtiːni

Christin Stuschka

Tini is quite small in stature, so her nickname suits her petiteness. Although small, she is a dynamo in races, taking three consecutive victories in the time trial, road race, and finally winning the criterium solo.

Hailing from Germany, when asked for her height: “Inches or centimeters?”

Jordan ˈʤɔrdən

Jordan Konynenbelt

Jordan is watching me write this bio about him, but in a way that makes me feel like he’ll be happy with whatever I come up with. “Just make it lit,” he says.

Jordan makes fun of me for my skinny legs being able to put out the watts that they do, but in a way that feels like he’s happy to mess around with me as well as being eager to compliment me. And he’s handsome.

Ethan ˈiθən

Ethan Barton

Ethan is the sole freshman on our trip this spring break–knowing hardly, if anyone before jumping into the 10 passenger van. He’s already earned a spot most of our hearts, and is well on the way with anyone who hasn’t found a soft spot for him.

He’s funny charismatic, nice-verbose, take that as you will. I’m sure there will be many good times to come with him.

Maddy ˈmædi

Madeline Arpin

Maddy is magical. She is constantly smiling, eager to share her knowledge, and remarkably strong.

A collegiate B, Maddy has some wins under her belt. With a new whip, I’m sure its gonna be a good season for our favorite traveling coordinator.

Sveddy ˈsvɛdi

Daniel Svedberg

Svedberg does a lot with the FTP he has-he’ll admit he’s not the strongest time trialist, climber, even sprinter. But he’s opportunistic. He’s savvy. He can corner and read a pack.

Sveddy has been descending like a demon this spring break, impressing most of us. On a climb yesterday (with a signed speed limit of 15), he screamed around the near 180 degree corner at probably over 30 mph. The outside was deep sand, and although he almost saved it, he slid on his left side, gashing his knuckle. He got up, bleeding relatively profusely, and told us “c’mon guys, let’s go.”

Wild Bill ‘waɪld bɪl

Alexander Turner

For the longest time, Wild Bill rode on a steel, late 20th century bike only one generation removed from a penny farthing. “But it has campy!” He would bluster.

Wild Bill has stepped it up a notch this season, buying the latest equipment and training a purported twenty days in a row. Dis kid go hard.

Lunchbox ˈlʌnʧbɒks

Calder Glowac

I honestly don’t know why they call him lunchbox-and he seems like one of the pillars of the team, even though I think he’s only a junior. So no one questions that his name is Lunchbox. And no one questions his watts, or his impeccable fashion sense, or his ripped to shreds size XXS arm warmers, or the fact that he isn’t a Cat A yet.

K ‘keɪ

Keerthana Jeeva

Keerthana was nicknamed K after our dear coach Kevin could pronounce her name neither consistently nor correctly.

She is perhaps the most talented of us all, as a grad student, talented cyclist, and president of the school of public health. She has a lot of pots boiling, and is bubbly, talkative, friendly, and eager to learn.

Friend frɛnd

Louis Mueller

His given name is Louis Mueller, but I call him friend. We began our relationship after I complimented his sunglasses in the starting grid of a Wednesday night ‘cross race. We both DNF’d, but exchanged numbers and became riding buddies, and then buddies.

Louis is one of the people on the team that I am rarely annoyed with, always amused by, and perpetually in love with. He is an avid hobbyist: outdoorsman, photographer, team instagrammer, crit lifer. His training suffered slightly due to a bad rick and morty habit and an aversion to the trainer, but his legs are coming back and I see a cat three upgrade in his near future.

Coach kəʊʧ

Kevin Lennon

Coach Kevin has a nebulous origin story. I’ve heard that he is a World Champion pursuiter, directuer sportif, birthed on a bike, crit lifer gone elderly, even World Champion Team pursuiter. (did he beat lance?)

As far as confirmed successes, he has raced both Greg Lemond and Lance Armstrong. He has honed the North Central Collegiate Cycling Conference winning team a number of years in a row, winning every time he has coached us (the University of Minnesota Cycling Team)

Boner ˈbəʊnə

Cole Feagler

Honestly Cole is for the most part ineffable. As for his nickname, let me give you a small list of bonerisms.

-Rides Turbo Cottons on the trainer

-Wears a ‘support your local bike shop’ T-Shirt, works at Erik’s.

-‘We should be on the next road over,’ next road over is several miles away and over a large mountain.

Piña ˈpiɲa

Benjamin Kollaja

Collegiate wrestler turned w/kg powerhouse, Ben is another valuable addition to our team. He is nice, quiet, amicable, and has a sweet sweet smile (see picture).

Following up a good race in Arkansas, spring break is his first dedicated cycling trip. He has been smashing it, keeping up with the A group.

Lolo ˈləʊləʊ

Logan Grace

I’m not gonna lie, I coined this nickname for Logan, and at first he hated it. But I convinced everyone to call him the perhaps emasculating nickname, and by the time the 2016-2017 school year rolled around, he began to refer to himself as Lolo.

He’s also fast as hell, multiple time state champion, smart, and knows how to apply pressure at exactly the right moment to get a laugh, or a race win. And he’s our president too.

 

Waves ‘weɪvz

Waverly Konynenbelt (neé Johnston)

In olden times, wives were considered posesions of men. But if anyone is a possesion in this relationship, it’s Jordan. We all see who wears the pants here. Jordan is husband of Waverly.

She’s really fast too, and sweet, considerate, and a terrific wife. Her new bike and hard training will have her flying to race wins this year.

Steph ‘stɛf

Stephanie Hart

Steph’s nickname is wattz, that’s all we know about her. Legend says she out power tested Logan. She’s smart, or something.

 

Blake ‘bleɪk

Blake Weaver

Blake is a design major. It bleeds into his life, his worldview, even his cycling, somehow. Did I tell you he was a design major?

Blake doesn’t talk shit. He talks a lot, but stays realistic, always. He is always looking around, analyzing the views, from a design perspective. Blake is a design major.

 

The Enforcer ‘ði ɪnˈfɔːsə

Ryan Chien

Ryan would prefer to be in charge. Not necessarily of the 10 passenger van, or the cycling team, but honestly, probably the world. That’s why we call him the enforcer.

We didn’t get along very well last year, me and Ryan. But this year, I’ve found a new perspective on Ryan. I appreciate his softness, his eagerness to show people what he knows, his compassion, and all the help he puts the team.

 

 

Jack

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